what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
