Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
