I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
