I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
