I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
