shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
