My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
