that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
