I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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