I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
