I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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