Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
