yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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