His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
