ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
