I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
