Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
id be glad to
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
