fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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