If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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