nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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