I accidentally had phone sex last night
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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