I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
