the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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