Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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