bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
did i walk over a car last night?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
