Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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