I'm pants shitting drunk right now
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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