You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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