sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Randomize
