I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
