a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
