you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
