just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
