so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
