they need to just BURY HIM!
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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