operation harelip BJ is a go
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
