now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
