I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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