mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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