His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
