i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
