i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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