I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
