So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
