She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
