I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
