He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
