I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
