She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
