ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
